A Late Late New Entry

The notion that things happen fast in the media is an absolute given, but blimey! What began as an innocent conversation with my good friend (and now de facto agent) Tara Finn about who’ll be taking over the oldest chat show in the world ended up as a recruitment drive. And now, only a few hours later, dozens of people are already rallying around the idea of yours truly as the next Late Late Show host. I must say, I’m honoured. And in case you’re wondering: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=786050610&ref=profile#/group.php?gid=71547718911&ref=mf

While it may have started off as a fun and tongue-in-cheek idea, I am now deadly serious about becoming Captain #5 of Ireland’s longest sailing chat show ship. Amongst the 47 (edit, we’re now over 100 strong!) current members are not just good friends and well-wishers, but people I don’t know and even fans from overseas, including one from Luxembourg. Miriam O’Callaghan might be an expert political interviewer, but can she nail the Luxembourg demographics like I can? I doubt it.

I’m well aware that when it comes to being considered for the job I’m a bit of an underdog, but like in most classic bouts against the odds - David and Goliath, Mr. Smith and the U.S. Senate, Stephen Colbert and NASA – I’ve got one thing going for me: Unnervingly sturdy self-confidence.

If you’re not yet convinced that I’d be the ideal man to become Mr. Friday Night, allow me to give you a few further reasons that’ll leave you hardcore Duffyites.

- I’m young. Unfeasibly young. Previous presenters have all been so old they could’ve all taught Methusaleh fourth class maths, whereas a host that was born in the same year contraception was made legal in Ireland (1985, how depressing is that incidentally?) would bring the show right up to date.

- I’m liberal. Unfeasibly liberal. The Late Late has a habit of being ahead of the curve on social issues and broadening the nation’s collective mind, and who better to argue with bishops or Eoghan Harris than me?

- I’m inexperienced. Unfeasibly inexperienced. Some people might think that a solitary outing on RTÉ’s The Café, being interviewed in the back of a Renault Scenic for Hungarian TV on the EU’s youth policies or being the team captain on a live version of BBC comedy show Would I Lie To You? wasn’t really sufficient grounding for a shot at the top presenting job in the country. But they’d be wrong. Pat Kenny has been a TV presenter for years and he still looks at a camera as if Freddie Krueger is trapped in there, so being fresh and preconception-less is no bad thing. Besides, I’ve considerable experience as a radio broadcaster and writer of international renown, and if Sarah Palin can become Vice Presidential nominee by pissing about in a big house in Juneau, why can’t I be in line for a shot at The Late Late?

- I’ve got a large selection of ties, a must for any show host.

- I know RTÉ. Not so much about they work internally or anything, I’ve just been in there a few times and know where the studios and all are, which is a crucial but often overlooked element to being a show host.

- I can bring da pain if necessary. There’ll be no repeated utterances of “thank you” if a crazed man walks on my set , oh no!

- I’m a world beater in multiple demographics, including but not limited to: teenage girls, their mothers, fans of 1990′s football and elderly religious men.

- Some presenters struggle with light entertainment but excel with politics and vice versa. I can do both light hearted and serious, sometimes simultaneously.

- My choice of guests. My Late Late wouldn’t just have people plugging their newest shows or books or weight loss technique, there’d be just generally interesting people on who make for an engaging interview. Top of my list thus far are David Tennant, Clive James, Alan Alda, Murray Walker, James Spader, Tina Fey, Zig and Zag, Ken Bruce, Martin Sheen, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Mary Robinson and plenty more where that came from.  And The Saturdays, they would feature quite heavily too.

- Similarly, Brendan O’Connor, Brendan O’Carroll, Twink, Eoghan Harris, Linda Martin, Louis Walsh wouldn’t  be allowed within a mile of Montrose.

- I can ask a question without the benefit of cue cards or an obsessive desire to start another question before a previous answer is finished. Again, another crucial but often overlooked quality needed. Very often overlooked.

- I’ll bring back the old theme music and old “For Whom It Concerns” announcement. Gravitas like that is invaluable as well as timeless, and should never have been got rid of to begin with.

- My combined loves of dodgy jumpers, toys and books and the laughter of children would make my Late Late Toy Show the funnest in recorded history.

- Boston Legal has just finished on Living TV, so my Friday nights are totally free now.

So there you have it, proof if it was needed (it wasn’t) that I am the only man, or indeed woman, for the job. So come on, join the Duffy Revolution and make Friday nights watchable again!